Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Credit Where Credit is Due, But I want the Cold Hard Cash!

Richard Slade called me yesterday, and right off the bat, accused me of plagiarism. He said he had coined the phase 'As the Graham Cracker Crumbles' about 15 years ago.  Richard wanted credit in my next blog.

Dear Richard,
Before I offer you my most humble and heartfelt apologies, I would like to ask you a few questions first.  Was anyone around when you first said 'As the Graham Cracker Crumbles'?  Do you have anyone that will come forth and be a witness?  Were you referring to the regular Graham Crackers, or the chocolate ones? Do you really think anyone is going to pay me for sitting on the sofa in my PJ's, blogging on the Internet? You have told me for years that you were going to write a book about my family. No one would believe most of it, and your work would be thought of as fiction.  I know you have been around for some of the most colorful events, primarily relating to the huge cookouts we used to have before all the younger kids (now in their teens were born). I'm going to list a few below.

1. The Christmas night you were grilling ribs outside and talked Dusty (age 13) into trying that Dave's Insanity Hot Sauce. Dusty just thought it burned his mouth, until he went to the bathroom to pee. Do you remember how he came running out of the bathroom screaming "I've got hot sauce on my pecker". Dusty was sweating like a ole time preacher trying to run a revival.  Naturally, we all got tickled and laughed at him. Suzy being the nurse, jumped into action, we all went in my little bathroom.  About 20 of us were in my small bedroom, and taking turns looking into the bathroom. Dusty was screaming and hollering. Dusty pulled his pants down, and Tim announced to the crowd, that had grown to about 25, that Jeff had two girls. Dusty said his pecker was drawn up due to the hot sauce.  As we were all taking turns, looking in to see Dusty's bright red small pecker, jokes were being made, like "wonder is it's the same color as Rudolph's nose" by then, we were all calling Dusty " Dustine", just for sport.
Suzy decided that vinegar should be poured over Dusty's small, bright red pecker. Tim said "we don't want to pickle it, and what a small pickle it would be". More laughter from the bedroom, crowd was up to 40 by then. Jeff and Carole came in about the time the it was all over. When we told Jeff about Dusty getting hot sauce on his pecker, Jeff asked Dusty why he stuck his pecker in the bottle of hot sauce in the first place.

2. The following Christmas, Nick (abt 12) got a small pistol and holster. He was working on his quick draw routine, when he misfired and shot himself in the fleshly part of his leg. At that time, Nick was really 'fleshy' all over, and it was a small caliber gun.  Greg Roche picked up Nick and tried to carry him up to Tim's house. About half way to the house, Greg had to put Nick's fat butt, down. Greg said it would be no need in the EMT's having to load up both Nick and Greg. Nick recovered from his gunshot wound a long time before Greg's back get well from lugging Nick's hefty butt around.

On second thought, how much money do you want?



  1. Best blog I have ever read! Post some pics to go along with your stories! Can't wait to read the next episode!

  2. Great blog. By the way i can provide an extensive list on the origination of the title. Could be regular crackers and possible choclate covered as of late. Your are right about the book and i belive the mini series would rival Dallas!!!!!!