Monday, November 22, 2010


My niece, Kennedy, came over to help me with that big list of chores that Angie leaves daily.  Kennedy is a very worldly 10 year old, who lives in Florida with my youngest brother, Dan and my sister-in-law, Suzy. While I was getting dressed to go to town,  (folks in Dublin expects one to dress before leaving home, while over here in East Dublin, we have absolutely no problem with someone darting into the Piggly Wiggly to pick up a few thing, while wearing their pajamas.  We were not given the title 'Red Neck Capital of the World', we earned it!)

Kennedy pointed out that we didn't have any boxes to pack in, and asked if I was really going to wear those drop rhinestone earrings with the pants to a sweat suit and the tshirt I had on. "Of course, I am". I said. I have never seen a day that pair of rhinestone earrings and some red lipstick would not make better.  While we were driving into town, Kennedy begin to tell me that her parents had her on a real strict
diet. I can't image a 10 year that needs to be on a diet, Kennedy didn't look overweight to me, fluffy in a few places, but not fat.  Kennedy tells me that she is constantly having to hide things like candy bars and Cheetos to tide over her to the next fat free, no sugar, no taste cardboard meal.  Suzy might weigh 105 pounds if you cover her with sorghum and roll her in oats.  My baby brother, Dan, is a little different from the rest of us. To start with, he has a horrible germ phobia. (He always goes to the vegetable section of the grocery store, so he can put his hands into the plastic veggie bags, before he even touches a cart. He also keeps a 55 gallon drum with a hand pump, full of hand-sanitizer handy, so he can coat all exposed places of his body, and anyone else in his close proximity, and the list goes on.........). Dan takes a ton of supplements and vitamins daily, causing him to have the worst stomach gas in the Southeastern Conference. Our brother, Jeff, told me a few years ago, on a trip to Argentina, Dan had that turbo gas so bad that Daddy told Dan if he farted again, Daddy was going to make them land the plane, and put Dan off). My baby brother is also a health nut, he bicycles about 20 miles and goes to the gym daily.   Dan doesn't touch alcohol, has never smoked a cigarette, would not be caught with a piece of red meat in his mouth, hasn't had sugar in years, etc. etc. I take  pride in telling him  he is going to be run over on his bike and that a 5 pack a day smoker will get his lungs and someone who has been to rehab more times than Lindsey Lohan will get that pristine liver. He has a good sense of humor, and adds that Suzy will mostly likely spend all of her free time, after his untimely demise, at the 75 Chrome Shop, checking out truckers.

I told Kennedy I thought she was just about perfect, which is exactly what Kennedy thinks about herself.  "I don't want to be so skinny I have a flat 'no butt' like Mama's got" she tells me. "All Grahams have great butts" I assured her, as she ordered her second fried rice. 

Kennedy has a little brother, Carson.  Carson was born with a heart defect, and is unusually small for his age. He always looks like he's up to something.  He cusses like a drunken sailor, when he's out of hearing range from his parents, lies about having a  big pecker, and tells everything he knows. He  knows where to find the naked girls on the Internet and wears cologne every day.   Carson told my brother, Ted, and me  that he caught his Granny, Suzy's mother, in the bathtub.  "You know the worst part?  She didn't even have her teeth in"  he said grinning.  Carson is always one more infraction away from being kicked out of school, and he's only in the 2nd grade.
Dan said he came home from work one day and caught Suzy on the couch, crying with a cold rag on her head. "What's wrong with your Mama?" he asked Kennedy. "I don't know, Carson came home from school with a note about 'home schooling' and mama's been crying and carrying on since". If Carson ever hears anything, he's quick to tell it. Telephone, Telegraph or tell a Graham, we always say.  Not being able to keep a secret is another Graham trait, we got it from Daddy. He has never kept a secret in his entire 80 years on this earth. When I spend the night with Dan and Suzy, I always sleep with Carson. He thinks I'm wonderful. I ask him all of the time "Who's more fun to sleep me? Me or your raw bony Mama?" He says things like I'm real cuddly. I use these opportunities to warn him  of skinny women, you can't trust them, they won't cook for you, they will not cast a shade in the summer, or keep you warm in the winter I tell him. When he gets older, probably 9, I'm going to let him know that skinny women are most likely to spend all of his money. 

Kennedy is piled up on the sofa with me. She is addicted to true crime tv, just like me. We've made much progress today. We had lunch, window shopped, picked up some boxes to pack up in, and re-done our eye make up twice.  I still haven't picked up another pecan, or started on those closets. A house will keep, but a niece grows up quickly.

See you tomorrow, same time, same station.

1 comment:

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